Moving on ...

Ok ... so for no particular reason (other than I feel like it) ... I think I'm going to move on from this blog and start a new one.

Again no particular reason why, especially considering I don't really ever post anyway, but in case you wanna check on my new one go to: http://bmwynne.wordpress.com/

And there you go.

Velvet Elvis

I got Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell for Christmas and started reading it pretty heavily over the past week. I really like a lot of what the book says especially because it looks at following Christ outside of the boundaries of what the majority of people have come to define as Christianity.

Anyway, not going into to much on this right now, but I came across a quote that really hit home with me:

"That's why when we talk with people who are itching to leave town because they 'just need to get out of here', we know they will be back. Often they find out that whatever it is, it went with them. The problem is not the town. The problem is somewhere inside of them."

I kinda think I'm that person itching to get out of town, but in reality I probably do need to take a step back and figure out what the underlying thing is I'm running from. Nothing really wrong with Raleigh .... nothing really wrong with somewhere else, but deciding to peace out cause "I need a change" is maybe not the best way to go about things (not saying that's my specific and only thought on moving, but it's certainly there). Anyway, I guess I just got some praying/thinking to do about this and hopefully one of these days I will come to some sort of truth about what I'm doing here.

music and general rantings about life

Recently I've been on this huge "Acoustic Folk Rock" kick. Not sure what that's been about, but I've really gotten into Ray LaMontagne. Considering most of the other music I normally listen to involves some sort of screaming, I like to think that I'm broadening my horizons and really branching out. It's definitely gotten me into playing guitar more than I had been which is great. I don't really think I even want to do any sort of "praise and worship" stuff at church, but instead just connect with one other person and play a few covers at a coffee shop or something chill like that. I've actually said this before and don't follow through (I actually assume the exact same thing will happen here) but it's cool to think of doing that.

Now this is just me randomly typing while I'm bored at work ... but that gets me thinking about several things I say I "want" to do, but never actually follow through with. Let's list them ...

1) Move .. maybe to Portland, OR
2) Ask out a random girl (or if not a random one ... the cute girl that works at my office)
3) Get a new job.

So none of those things are specifically bad one way or the other, but I always seem to come up with a reason to not follow through. Despite this, I seem to have this incredible yearning for change in my life. Obviously branching out with my musical preference is an example of this and is a pretty safe change. The other things I listed however, are a bit more risky.

I recently got finished reading "Through Painted Desserts" by Donald Miller, who by the way I'm a big fan of, and there's certainly a big theme of letting go of the comfortable security of life and just seeking God. I'm definitely not going to sell everything, hop in a van and drive across the country like he did, but it has really got me thinking bout this idea that every once and a while there really is a need to shrug off some of the things we hold on to so tightly in order to see God working in our lives. It makes me wonder if maybe this desire to move, get a new job, & find a girl is all really just a desire to be free of the crap holding me down so that I can really find God ... or maybe I've just had too much caffeine today.

Hopefully someday I'll figure that one out, until then I think I'm just going to sit around listening to sad music while I play my guitar.

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really funny blog post

http://relevantmagazine.com/releblog/editorsblog/the-really-cold-war/

Is knowing really better than not knowing?

Ever find something out that you kinda wish you hadn't, but at the same time wouldn't want to not know? Yeah ... that happened to me somewhat recently and kinda put my brain into overdrive thinking about it. Nothing life changing our even life affecting if you will, but definitely caused a little mental stress for about 2 days.

So it does make me think what would really be better ... being oblivious to this or dealing with the slight stress of knowing? Yeah, I know this is random and pretty ambiguous, but there you go.

Funny Quote

I'm reading another Tony Campolo book right now and came across what I thought was a pretty funny quote, it's a little long but I think I need to include the entire paragraph for it to actually make sense:

"Some Evangelicals advocate homophobic policies on other issues as well, including the right of gays and lesbians to serve in the armed forces or other government agencies. These Evangelicals fail to remember that this country was started by revolutionaries who claimed that there should be no taxation without representation. On that basis, if gays and lesbians are barred from representation in the military or government agencies, they also should be free from having to pay taxes. If such a provision ever became law, we'd see the biggest coming-out party in history." - Tony Campolo

Missing the Mark

I've began to think recently a little bit about how I've managed to wind up where I am in life. There's nothing specifically wrong with where I am, it just seems to be a little off from where I once thought I'd be and I can't seem to remember at what point I began to diverge from that original "path".

I think the problem is that I find myself being steadily and almost unnoticeably sucked into the typical American middle class. I mean there are little things, like I give my $30 a month to World Vision and another few bucks here and there to support a few different missionaries I know, but generally speaking the bulk of my time and money is focused mostly on myself. The part that scares me the most about this is that generally speaking I don't seem to have a problem with this.

I remember about two and a half years ago throwing caution to the wind (I say this loosely because honestly I probably still had a lot of security in what I was doing) and moving out to Colorado to pursue what I felt God was calling me to and it was amazing. I had purpose, I had direction, and I truly felt I was right where God wanted me. Obviously that time ended and I came back to North Carolina to work in the "real world" where things were done a little bit differently.

Coming off such an impacting experience I had strong convictions about how I would live my life in the midst of the secular work environment. Initially I probably did a pretty good job and actually had a few brief conversations bout my faith and what I had done while I was with EMI with my coworkers, but soon that Colorado experience began to fade and it was harder and harder to hold onto all of those thoughts and ideas that I felt so strongly in Colorado.

So when I read that article on Relevant’s website (see previous post) I really connected with what it was saying. I think over the past two and a half years I have been allowing my feelings to give me guidance, direction, and maybe even validation for what I was doing instead of relying on God and knowing that He will provide me with all of those things. Allowing myself to fit in with everyone else I knew helped me feel better even though I didn’t/don’t believe it’s exactly what God has intended for my life. I don't think that where I am in life is particularly bad; I think I've just allowed myself to get off track a little by not looking to God and instead relying on the idea that I could figure out the right thing on my own.

I don’t want to make any outlandish claims to change or do this or that differently in my life starting tomorrow, because I think that’s pretty much just what I was doing before in trying to figure it out on my own. What I’m going to do is pray tonight that God will work in my heart and change me, despite myself, into the person he wants me to be. I think that’ll be enough.